Week 1

For my new journey, I am reminded of a quote by Alvin Toffler that says:  “The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.”

What does that mean? You see, we think that education is the old school teacher/student relationship with books and brains and the smell of sharpened pencils filling the air. I would argue it sort of is that, but with much more! There are multiple things that impact education: the environment, the people, and the baggage of those same people, which also includes my own.

As you may know, I started back to school…again. Yes! With backpack and lunch box in tow just like those elementary school days and it feels wonderful. Well, right now it does (I will get to that in a minute). Yet, there are a few things that I was reminded of this week that I want to share just so that you know that Cape Wearing is as unique as each of our finger prints and even those of us who seem to have it all together struggle too. It takes us being strong enough to push through all of the emotions and feelings to come out on the side of wholeness. Because really that is all it’s really about isn’t it? Becoming whole?

Back to learning, in this day and age of Google, we take learning for granted because we have a warped understanding of what it means to learn. In my current program, as well as the doctoral program I finished, I was reminded of a very basic concept: the idea of learning being one of the most vulnerable, grueling, and necessary aspects of humanity.

Here are a few of my truths and vulnerabilities I uncovered from this first week of learning…

1. My excitement is awkward in this space, and I am responsible for ironing out the awkward (even if I am fabulous).

When I look around this tech space, I don’t see many who look like me. I am one of two black women in my cohort of 28 and definitely the minority in the whole program.

Some of you may be thinking: “There she goes with the race card”…and that is the very reason that my excitement is awkward. Because if you think there is a card for race that I can pull out, you probably think that all ice cream is either vanilla or chocolate (no offense intended…your truth is your truth).

The reality is that your expectation of me to conform (because that is really why people say stupid stuff like: “You’re pulling the race card”) juxtaposed with my response to being looked at like an out of place human shows the problem that I face as well as the reality that I will have to learn to live with.

I look weird here.

“Why is she so loud and excitable?”

“Why is she so happy and saying crazy stuff?”

I mean, how is it possible that I can be beautiful, smart, AND quirky?

I am who I am and I happen to be a black girl. Some don’t like it and many who are in positions of power could care less for my antics, so I have to learn how to be who I am while also maneuvering in this space.

I could spend my time trying to make everyone comfortable with me, or I can just do me… I have decided that I have to unlearn, learn and relearn the expectations placed on me if I want to be successful in this industry.

While that is a hard pill for me to swallow, I am willing to be the next black woman to accept the challenge to make a positive impact for all black women. I don’t have to, but I will because in doing so, I make the path easier for other little black girls who come after me. I want to proudly wear my cape and here, I may have to work a little harder to let it fly in the wind, but I am ok with that. I have to acknowledge that in order to get past it and grow. And…on that note:

2. I shouldn’t worry about everyone liking me if the RIGHT people like me. ‘Just be vulnerable’ is my new motto.

For the first group project of the program, I was selected to be a team leader by the teaching staff. I think it was random, which is good. While I know that I am both skilled and able to lead, I really want to learn how to be a really good follower.

Why?

Because it is good to lead and know a lot of stuff, but sometimes being an effective leader alienates the people whose attention I really want to have. I have been an island for so long, getting back into the midst of humanity and all its messiness has made me take a free for all mindset of making everyone happy.

It takes too much energy to make sure a dude in my group likes me even though he would probably have never spoken to me before and won’t after. The reality is that my learning and the evaluative eye of those who have been here and know what it takes to be successful are the only things that really matter to my growth as a software developer.

Being vulnerable isn’t going to make me the most liked person, but it may help me be very successful in the long-term and build relationships with those who matter the most.  

3. Finally, feeling wonderful means that I am not learning anything.

When you know all the answers (or pretend to) you really mess up your ability to learn. Trust me, I know…learning is uncomfortable and hard. Especially when you’ve got kids, a mortgage, other problems, and having to deal with other people. The high of feeling wonderful when you start something new wears off quickly and that can bring about burn out and failure if you stay high too long. I have to keep my feelings and comfort verses learning and reality in check otherwise I won’t get as far as I could if I allowed myself to be uncomfortable and worked out of that discomfort myself.

I could make this a list of like 20 things, but the truth is, I have a lot of coding to do so that I can get myself out of that discomfort I just referenced. It is such an emotional roller coaster, but I will end with this: On day one I walked into the bathroom ready to quit and I cried because I know what I am about to face is going to be emotionally and mentally exhausting. But, for once I am focusing on me and my happiness because wholeness is getting chopped up and put back together again much better than I was before! I’m game for that!

Peace out and code on!

Dr. T

Hello! I am Dr. T, developer and educator, who helps learners embrace their missions by activating their developer superhero within! You are the hero who you have been waiting for.